Entries Tagged 'Running' ↓

I trained for my first marathon in 2006 and completed that run in February 2007.

Running a marathon could not be more loaded with expectation – especially your first one. Will you be able to finish, if so, how hard will it be, and certainly for those optimistic souls like me, how fast will you be?

After my Marathon I began slowly backing off my running distance a bit at a time. I was tired of running so far and it taking so much time. Then, my neck started to hurt quite badly and after some months of this I was diagnosed with herniated discs in my neck. My Doc sent me to a specialist and he told me to stop running or doing anything that jarred my neck. I got pretty depressed about that. It felt like I was falling apart. That’s just self-pity and ultimately meaningless. What was meaningful to me was that I wouldn’t be able to keep up the running that I had grown to love. This physical and mental battle has continued off and on.

Since I’ve begun running a bit more again, distance has eluded me. Most of my runs are in the 4.5 mile range. A long run is a whopping half mile longer at 5 miles. Not exactly up to the form I had developed. All the training runs of 8, 12, and 15 miles that I did in preparation for my Marathon made me feel I was squandering my hard work.

Far before I even completed my Marathon I’ve contemplated strapping on my shoes and just running. What I mean is *just running* in one direction, without worrying about being able to run home. To me, this has occupied a special place in my mind. A run without limits. Not even 26.2 miles.

Running encourages free thinking and thoughts of abandon and freedom. Or at least, the endorphins and heightened serotonin levels do! I asked Shannon if she’d be OK picking me up when I had worn myself out. Of course, she readily agreed.

This past Sunday, with fresh shoes strapped on my feet and emboldened by my recent good runs and cool weather, I finally acted out that impulse. I don’t know why it took so long.

It was a really fantastic experience.

Like meditation, it was very interesting to watch my mind and ego interject goals and expectations as I ran along. I kept thinking to myself: “I have to run for at least one hour (about 20 minutes longer than I have been running). As soon as I dashed one expectation, another would replace it a few minutes later.

As I ran I would begin to stress myself out with thoughts of high mileage and long times. I had thoughts that I could run for 30 miles, or maybe even more. Be quiet fool, I told myself – just run.

Where am I going with all this?

I was interested in the impact of this attitude and mental state on my performance. Which is funny, considering that the point was to not care. Or was it? In the end I ran for 1 hour and 17 minutes. I don’t know how far I ran but it was a good long run, even compared to my training runs of the past. Compared to a normal 39 minute run it was a great effort. What fascinates me is that typical goal oriented thinking and process would suggest that this wouldn’t work. I feel that I have experienced two parallel worlds where in the first, setting goals helps you reach them, and the other, you eliminate all goals and expectations as a way to smash through the limitations that those very goals place on you.

I’ll acknowledge that I never got close to the right state of mind for the entire run. But there were a lot of times where I did find my center. Like meditation I focused on breathing. Like good running I focused on my form and not my speed. The net effect was that my run was much more carefree and enjoyable. It made it easier to run further because there was no expectation of doing well or doing badly.

I was running just to run.

I would accept any result as long as I was following my principle. Running is supposed to be fun, hard, and enlightening. This run was all these things. I also had occasion to reflect on other endeavors where this kind of mental state would benefit my performance. I considered both business and relationships but it was easiest to compare this experience with Golf.

I’ve always wanted a good Golf game very badly. I’ve also worked harder at golf than most physical pursuits, including many many hours of practice, study, play and other means of self torture. I’ve given a lot to the game of Golf and it’s rewarded me in every way, except one.

Good scores and a reliable swing.

When did I shoot my lowest scores? On the days where I was simply happy to be alive, to smell the fresh grass and the sun on my face. To thrill in the connection with the little white ball and the universe. On those rare days nothing could stop me from smiling, and from performing. On those days I hit a lot more great shots than normal. Yesterday was like that for my run. It might have been a fluke. I plan on finding out next Sunday.

As this post has unfolded I have been trying to reconcile one final point. I have the hardest time capturing the difference between not caring, and having no expectation. I feel my younger self could not have made that distinction. For the protection of my own fragile fragile ego I have been known to fall into the all too popular habit of not committing. Most of us learned this move as kids on the school yard. You know, if you never try you won’t feel bad when you can’t do it. Talk about self defeating. Failing to commit gets you no where in a hurry. Plus, if have any self respect it leads to a lot of negative self talk and criticism.  Letting go of the expectations and still caring – I think that’s the best way I can say it for now.

It’s not trivial

One last thing that struck me as very special about this experience that I want to document. Which was the most pleasurable expectation and experience of being picked up by Shannon and the kids. I guess that was one expectation that I didn’t want to kick. It may seem like a trivial thing but it didn’t feel that way. I felt so special that someone would do that for me. I know this seems strange considering that my family is exactly who would do this for me. I can’t quite tell you WHY it made me feel so special but it was a feeling of great gratitude and appreciation I felt. Giving your wife, family member or good friend a ride is trivial – but that love that comes along with it, isn’t. I guess that’s what I was tapping into.

p.s. It’s only now occured to me after publishing this that I’ve pulled a right Forest Gump.

Click to Play

Set List:
69 Police By David Holmes
Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show
Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie
Ms. Jackson by Outkast
Let the drummer kick by Citizen Cope
Hip Hop by Dead Prez
Cream by Prince
Feeling Stronger Everyday by Chicago
Skateaway by Dire Straits

The Easter Egg at end of movie is me Julia, Charlie and John recording a Julians.name video entry from this summer. Just because I felt like it.

p.s. I’ll never tell if I fell off the wall at the end of the movie or just ran out of memory on my camera…

p.p.s. No, I don’t expect anyone to watch this. For gods sake this is the internet and it’s a 30+ minute video!

My mum sent me a great article today (Thanks mum!) about the links between exercise and thinking – having those really great ideas that move you forward in big leaps. It’s published by Psychology Today author Richard A. Lovett under the title Jog Your Brain.

“Halfway through a 45-minute run, I was thinking about a far-off friend and the bane of long-distance relationships. As I traced a well-known route through downtown Portland, Oregon, I wondered if the relationship could ever work out. And suddenly, practically from one step to the next, I had the idea for a science fiction story about a space pilot’s lover, whiling away the centuries in suspended animation until the pilot returned from the stars. I raced home to write the story.”

I could probably write a book on all the things that I felt and thought about running my first marathon but I decided that sharing my live twitter log that I sent on my phone during my run would be a great way to share some of the actual experience with you. Maybe later I’ll get to writing more about it. For now, just know that each one of you that helped in supporting me on my run have my sincerest gratitude. Thank you.

Of all my updates from my phone I have a favorite. It’s this twitter from when I took the virtual lead in the marathon in this post:

“Just passed leader of marathon at just over 11 miles 07:40 AM February 18, 2007″

Just to clarify, the leader of the race was passing me going the other way. My family told me after the run that they were laughing pretty hard when they read that one! I ended up getting less than two hours sleep on the eve of my run and I’m pretty proud of myself for finishing given that I had a cold. I believe this marathon will be the first of many more to come!

Begin twitter log:

Now how to get to sleep? 10:43 PM February 17, 2007

Up and at ‘em – carbing up 04:05 AM February 18, 2007

At the start line – as many port-o-lets as an outdoor concert and lines just as long! 05:44 AM February 18, 2007

In the gates! 05:59 AM February 18, 2007

We’re off! 06:07 AM February 18, 2007

Passing hojo’s on a1a and now 9th st 06:41 AM February 18, 2007

Sunrise blvd 06:41 AM February 18, 2007

@family I love u! Thank you .shit eating grin on my face at ne 16th 06:47 AM February 18, 2007

At oakland pk blvd 06:58 AM February 18, 2007

Half marothon trnd off just a little while ago. Full bore only now – foot traffic light now 07:04 AM February 18, 2007

10 miles 07:30 AM February 18, 2007

@shan getaway at se 8th:36 AM February 18, 2007

Just passed leader of marathon at just over 11 miles 07:40 AM February 18, 2007

Mile 13 @ shan with Mary now rain just started 07:54 AM February 18, 2007

16 cold wet struggle now 08:22 AM February 18, 2007

@ Lorrnz Jr. – 8 to go – let us ru n togwther now with wings on our feet! 08:41 AM February 18, 2007

Arms numb need to walk now a bit gather myself for finish – circulation in arms careful now goal is 2 finish 09:02 AM February 18, 2007

Ok arms starting to feel again – just beyond 20 mile mrk – they gave out energel @ 20 – beauty! Time to run this one out – love u Shan 09:11 AM February 18, 2007

Running with E – my man of strength thx for J-z 09:22 AM February 18, 2007

23 miles now so many pains and cramps – wow! 09:44 AM February 18,:55 AM February 18, 2007

Gotta stretcher 4 me Shan, I am at 25. 10:08 AM February 18, 2007

All finished at around 4 hrs 15 10:40 AM February 18, 2007

Feeling so much better now post marathon-+8 hours after. walking the dogs to stretch out the pummeled muscles 07:46 PM February 18, 2007

Pictures from the run: on Flickr here – is this first “Twittered” Marathon? 09:22 PM February 18, 2007

I struggle with the word professional.

It always comes off to me as superior – and so I have a hard time applying the moniker to myself, despite the fact that 22 years as a working stiff probably qualifies me for the common use of the title in my areas of expertise. Speaking of words that I have some dislike for, there’s another: expertise. I dislike expertise for similar reasons since it implies an end-state and I believe we’re all just at varying stages of acquiring knowledge and wisdom. Who would ever want to stop learning? To me that would imply death.

For these reasons the true meaning of Amateur is most profound for me. I often coach myself to strive for a “Rookie’s verve” in things I do. When I get things right in life I can attribute them to acting as an amateur would. No amount of books, knowledge or schooling seem to make up for what this kind of attitude can have in life. I’m certainly delighted to be an amateur running my first marathon since it captures the spirit of the whole thing…quite so. In business too I would much rather act in the spirit of an amateur. Having started my own business a little over a year ago I feel I’m a step closer to that.

In doing some research for my run I have been watching a bit of Chariots of Fire. The movie has always ranked as one of my favorites and that was true long before I was a runner. As soon as I can figure out the intricacies of video encoding I’ll put up my favorite clip from the movie which shows Scot Eric Liddell winning the 400 meter race.

In the mean time I came across an academic from BYU by the name of John S. Tanner who writes about amateurism beautifully (he ties in Chariots of Fire which is how I happened across his piece). Here are some excerpts but I strongly encourage you to read the whole piece.

“Following my appointment as academic vice president, I received many kind notes from faculty colleagues. As the congratulations came in, I thought of sobering remarks by Hugh Nibley:

Anyone can become a dean, a professor, a department head, a chancellor, or a custodian by appointment—it has happened thousands of times; but since the world began, no one has ever become an artist, a scientist, or a scholar by appointment. The professional may be a dud, but to get any recognition, the amateur has to be good. ["The Day of the Amateur," Brother Brigham Challenges the Saints, ed. Don E. Norton and Shirley S. Ricks (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book; Provo: FARMS, 1994), p. 303]“

and this

“The word amateur derives from the Latin for “love.” An amateur is at root a lover—a lover of sport, science, art, and so forth. It is this sense of amateur that I believe we must preserve if we are to achieve a more excellent way. There is much to recommend the professional ethic, including rigor, methodology, high standards of review, and so forth. Yet I hope we never cease to be amateurs in our professions—that is, passionate devotees of our disciplines.”

and this from Dr. Tanner on Chariots of Fire

“The film Chariots of Fire is organized around the contrast between the professional and the amateur. The movie tells the true story of Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell—both gifted sprinters and both, eventually, gold medalists in the 1924 Olympics. Abrahams exemplifies the spirit of the professional: he is driven, highly coached, obsessed with winning and personal glory. Liddell, by contrast, embodies the spirit of the amateur: he is joyous, heartfelt, animated by the love of running and the glory of God. Abrahams runs on his nerves; when asked why he runs, he says winning is a weapon against pervasive anti-Semitism. Liddell runs from his heart; he says he runs for God.”

Which brings me to my favorite scene from Chariots, which includes a host of poignant moments including the one where American competitor Jackson Schultz, who understands Liddell’s intent and motivation, hands him a hand written note that includes a quote from the bible:

“Mr. Liddell, it says in the old book
“He that honors me
I will honor”
Good Luck -
Jackson Schultz”

To read more about Liddell and a bit about Schultz read this great account from Helen Thomson.

I rather enjoyed Dr. Tanner’s description of my favorite scene from the movie where Liddell narrates to his sister about his reasons for running and his calling to evangelize in China (which he went on to do) as he runs the 400.

“We see this contrast in their respective running styles. Abrahams’ running is technically sophisticated and fierce; he scowls his way across the finish line. By contrast, Liddell runs like a wild animal across the hillsides. At a certain point in each race, Liddell leans back his head, opens his mouth, and turns on the jets—abandoning himself to the pure expression of his divine gift. This accurate portrayal of Liddell’s running style symbolizes that his running is inspired. Inspire literally means “breathed into” by God. Liddell’s inspired passion for his sport is captured by a famous line from the movie spoken to his sister Jenny, who is worried that he is forgetting his higher commitment to God and to an eventual mission to China:

“I believe that God made me for a purpose. For China. But He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure. To give it up would be to hold Him in contempt. You were right. It’s not just fun. To win is to honor Him.”

and this from the previously cited Helen Thomson on Liddell’s life after his gold medal:

“Liddell retired from international athletics immediately afterwards on the grounds that he had now won the Olympics. Four years later he recorded a time far quicker than that of his successor as champion at a small meeting in Asia two weeks after the Games.”

I can think of no moniker that I’d aspire to more than amateur. How about you?

A week from today, on February 18th, 2007, I’ll wake up around 3AM and strap on my running shoes, then don my shorts and race number in preparation for my first marathon. Sometimes a marathon is just a really long run, and at other times it is an expression of something very important to the runner. For me, the latter is true. The way I look at it, the most important thing I’ll take along to my race is you – in the form of a tune. Yes, a song that I will listen to on my run. To me and many people, a song is a gift, and in this case, one that I hope will conjure up your image in my mind’s eye, where I will see you helping me to endure my race and my journey.

I am dedicating this run to my brother Lorenz Gude, Shannon’s Aunt, Mary Seery, and my dear friend David Ordin. They all have something in common for me. They all left this world before their time, leaving behind family and friends who miss them deeply. Although their lives were short, they all left an indelible impression on this place and in our hearts. Heart ache is often used to describe the loss of a love, but in this case my heart aches for loss of a brother, a family member and a friend. All of us who have been fortunate to love and be loved, have also lost someone terribly important and close to us, and I know you feel this heart ache too. Among many goals with the running of this Marathon, from the mundane to the spiritual, I hope more than anything to endure the difficulties of this race to honor their memories and their names. I want to run this marathon for them because they no longer can, and I hope I can connect with each one and remember them in the fullness of their beauty. In reaching out to you I am asking for your help in making this run. Many times when I run I connect with very important things in my life – people, memories, ideas, and often enough, great inspiration. Music for me is central to this experience and many others in my life. You might say that music is like a best friend to me. Music has held deep meaning in my life through all the good times and the bad. No matter my mood or place in the world, I can rely on music to echo and enrich my feelings in the moment, and just as easily, alter my emotions in a profound way. Music for me is life, part celebration, joy, sorrow, pain, reflection, meditation, a connection with the past, and a looking glass in to the future.

So will you please play a tune for me as I run? I would greatly appreciate it if you could think of one of your favorite songs (perhaps your most favorite) and let me know what that song is. I will then make it my goal to find that song and put it on my marathon play list. I have in mind to call on your help to keep running while I listen to your song as I also enjoy memories of our times together and also hopes for renewed friendship and connection. You need not concern your song selection with how fast or slow it is, the music genre, or time that it is from. From classical to punk, folk, oldies, rap, hip hop, electronica, soul, r&b, blues, latin, jazz, bluegrass, metal, folk, country, rock, acid, house, swing… you get the idea – I’ve listened to it all, and in all of the genres there is greatness. All that is important is that this song represents YOU. I have no doubts that the song you choose will be the right one.

Although I’m reaching out to you in e-mail I have also posted this on my blog. You can find me on the web at http://blog.julians.name. I would like to capture your song with your name on my blog. You can do this by leaving me a comment on this blog post: http://www.blog.julians.name/2007/02/11/marathons-are-methaphors-for-enduring-and-im-running-in-this-one/. If you run into any difficulty with this, please feel free to e-mail or call me. I will then post your song and your name on my blog for you (unless you request otherwise). If you would also like to dedicate your song to someone you have lost, please feel free to do so on your comment. Don’t worry about song duplicates, just because someone may have posted the same song doesn’t mean you can’t. There aren’t any rules here that you need concern yourself with. I will take all the help I can get.

One last thing. I don’t know if my message will reach all the right people. In fact – I’m sure of it. I don’t even have contact information for all of my family – never mind all the people who I may call a friend. As I write this I am still searching for addresses of people that I would like to include but that I’ve lost track of. If you would also do me the favor of forwarding this message to any family member I’ve missed unintentionally, or a person you feel I would call a friend, please do so. I would hardly want my lack of an accurate or complete address book to come between me and someone I would happily connect with.

Celebrate life!

Jules

p.s. By happenstance I made my final decision to do all this on Sunday. My sister-in-law Kristen Seery was actually the first to nominate a song for me because we had a chance to catch up on the phone as I heard about her adventures as a Peace Corps volunteer in Zambia and I talked about my Marathon. Her choice? Old Crow Medicine Show’s, Wagon Wheel. Just before turning in for the night my oldest son Max contacted me on IM and he quickly nominated The Stones, Gimme Shelter. So the process has begun and it is great fun already!

p.p.s. I’m going to provide some text updates during my run from my mobile phone. If you’d like to follow those updates in real time you can view my twitter.com profile here:

http://twitter.com/Jinfinite8

Julian here, wearing the hat of master of the obvious. It is one of my favorite roles. Here’s the version and subject of this particular slice of obvious that I was just playing in my head.

I was wondering today why I actually run and how I compare the idea of running vs. the actual experience. The actual act of running is at best difficult (physically) and if you’re pushing yourself hard then it can be downright painful. Despite this, when I think of running, it is more often than not a positive association. I think of quiet time, the feeling of satisfaction from accomplishing something, from the real and subjective physical and mental health benefits, and very much, the time to listen to music. Oh and one more important one: ideas usually come clear to me when running or I will find the resolve to take action on something I’m procrastinating about. Powerful stuff indeed.

These are all things that happen when I run. Most of these benefits, or things that I look forward to, are mental. Physically, running is hard. It hurts. Your muscles can burn as can your lungs. There is a period in most every run where everything starts to feel good, as the endorphins are released and you experience a runner’s high. In contrast to this, I have the exercise that I want to do but have a really hard time sticking with – strength training. This is true whether it is actually lifting weights or my more favored calisthenics that include push-ups, sit-ups, crunches, chair lifts, leg lifts, squats, etc. The idea of strength training is unattractive to me in every way. My friend Eric, who is an accomplished lifter had this to say to me once about my difficulty in strength training: “It’s hard and it’s boring – not a great combo. It takes a certain kind of individual to like it” He had a glint in his eye as he said this. No wait, that was a phone call we had so it must have been a note of something in his voice. With strength training I don’t get quiet time, I don’t listen to music (because I’m in the house), I get interrupted by any number of outside stimuli (I can’t multi-task) and I don’t usually have my breakthoughs in thinking, or the stress relief that I get with sustained aerobic activity because of the typical start/rest/start nature of lifting. There’s no continuity. When I really think about the physical work though, in many ways it is easier than running (at least how I strength train). Eric would make this point. I don’t life heavy weight or strength train like a mad man. The pain is over quickly and there is an immediate feeling of greater strength and well being from all that blood pumping into your muscles in response to the tax you’re placing on them. Hell, you can even look better right away because your muscles get pumped up. While I can imagine that a girl might not see this as a win, a guy like me who has ‘always wanted’ to be built it is highly attractive. My point is that the idea of running, despite its actual physical pain is attractive due to all the ideas I have about what it does for me and the greater pleasure that it brings. Versus my strength training which in many ways is easier physically (again my qualifier is that I’m not doing gut busting 250lb bench presses) but mentally is 50 times more daunting.

The difference in what I actually do most of the time is more based on my mental picture of pleasure and pain and it is not directly correlated to my physical reality.

I can see how this plays out in all areas of life. As a procrastinator a task that I put off for a day, month or year because of the idea of it is almost never as bad in reality. I end up, as most people do, asking myself why I didn’t get on with it earlier. I even find myself enjoying some of these tasks or challenges! Do you? Now to be fair there are tasks that we find JUST as unpleasant in reality as the idea of them. Frightfully, some are even worse. But my point is that those are actually pretty rare. The mental anguish we procrastinators put ourselves through is far worse on our mental well being than the reality of avoiding reality for prolonged periods of time.

There it is. Julian, master of the well known and obvious.

Like many ah-hah moments, there is nothing remarkable or new about this one and my mastering of the obvious is only a temporary respite from my normal mode of thinking. Isn’t it? Why do we forget our mental ah-hah’s and return to our normal mode of thinking?

The countdown to the Miami Marathon is 24 days.

My latest runs include an 8 miler for 1:06 on Tuesday 1/2/06 (my first official run of 2007) and my 6 mile run yesterday at 49:13. Mileage this week is up to 18 miles. I’ll pile on another 5 tonight (at least).

Here are the latest two just for posterity. Less than a month to go until the Miami marathon. I have to get signed up this week.

9:43 miles in 1:19:05 12/30/06 10:30AM 78 degrees, 76% humidity, Ran up to La Puerta on the Lake Trail in North Palm Beach
4 miles in 32:04 12/31/06 6PM Ran to Worth Road in Palm Beach and back.
Took the day off on New Years day.